yureru sayonara
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Shin looks at his reflection and finds Maya looking back at him.


**fandom - Tenjou Tenge  
title - yureru sayonara.  
pairing - shin + maya  
rating - pg  
description - Shin looks at his reflection and finds Maya looking back at him.**

**Disclaimer – Tenjou Tenge isn't mine.**

There was one day, a long while ago, when I selfishly almost said what I shouldn't have. Though it brought me a moment of happiness, the consequences pushed onto my back and I buried my soul deeper into the ground…

**yureru sayonara. (swaying goodbye.)  
By miyamoto yui  
**

I watched my reflection silently as the water splattered onto the mirror. My two hands were up, blocking my vision and part of my face being reflected back.

Right now, I was calm, but the more I watched, my breathing became faster and faster. A beast was approaching, coming out from inside of me. It was consuming me, and yet, shamefully, this was still me.

When you had seen the ugliness of your heart, how could you look yourself in the mirror?

I held onto the bathroom sink, freezing and half bent forward half-naked, but my bloodshot eyes couldn't turn away from my aging, teenage face. I was becoming older and older with all the sins engraving themselves invisibly onto my back.

Will the dirtiness ever wash away, even when you wash your hands billions of times with purified water?

I began to wash my hands uselessly. Furiously.  
My hands began to feel numb and raw under the cold water.

"Maya…Maya…" I called inside of my head, unable to move my mouth. Was it out of a man's pride? Maybe. Was it out of fear of saying more than I should have? Maybe even more.  
But I couldn't tear my eyes away.

The water kept on running through my fingers and I gasped for air.

When I looked up, there was Maya behind me. Her shocked, innocent face stared into my reflection, unable to turn away from me. She gulped and came in, taking the towel from the rack and began wiping my frozen hands.  
"What's wrong?" She asked me with her eyes.

But I didn't move or answer. I only gazed at her.

How beautiful you are, Maya.  
So clear and so strong. There were no doubts in your heart.

How come you looked up to me?  
Your feelings were so honest and true.

I hated myself even more.

Then, she wiped my shoulders with her towel and rubbed it on my hair to dry it out. Even though she was worried, she looked up and smiled at me. "I'm so exhausted today. I practiced so hard by myself, but I still don't understand a lot of things."  
She sighed.

"How did you know I was here?" I managed to say after a while.

She simply answered, "I heard you calling me."  
I gave her a curious look as my head began to ache. "But I didn't say anything."

"I always know when you need me, Ani ue." She continued to dry my hair. "I can feel it."  
Then, she looked down and stopped. "There are times though that I don't know if being there is enough-"

At that moment, time stopped. I lifted her off the ground and hugged her. She grabbed my shoulders tightly, not wanting to cry because of that stupid pride our family possessed.  
My numbed body began to feel a surge of warmth. She always had this affect on me.

Resolutely, yet reassuringly, I replied, "It's enough."

My heart was racing and I could feel that I was losing myself again. But at least, before I left her again where she didn't know, I could hold her even though I couldn't tell her.  
But it hurt that she knew.

Even without a word, she knew.

"I'll see you later, Maya," I whispered into her ear and kissed it before I put her down. After putting on my shirt, I left with my head throbbing.

When I die from this, and if anyone asks, I want them to know that I did it to learn to become a stronger person to protect the only one I ever loved. The only person who accepted me at my worst and at my best.

And yet, I knew that my worst enemy was not the person in the mirror…  
…but the love I held for someone that shouldn't have existed.

The self-loathing will take its toll along with the guilt and time will ultimately stop for me while it will continue for her. And I know she will wonder why until the day she dies.

Rather than death, I fear that she will figure it out that…  
…somehow, being her brother was not close enough for me anymore.

"Goodbye, Maya." I mouthed quietly as I stepped out of our home.

**Owari. / The End.**

**1/1/2007 11:16 PM / LA  
1/2/2007 4:16 PM / Tokyo**


End file.
